Friday, October 15, 2010

The LORD has guided my steps...

A week ago the directors of LifeBuilder's came to Chicago to visit their son, and made time to have lunch with me and talk with me during the afternoon. To make a long story short....


This has been a prayer of mine basically since I arrived in Detroit. The first couple weeks I was there my heart still was at Camp Kearney was I longed to be there. But as those weeks passed my heart began to be moved by all the people I was interacting with on a daily basis. I began to become a little scared. I remember sitting in my apartment praying and wondering if this is where God was leading me after graduation. At the time that seemed like a crazy thought, and I doubted the idea for the better part of my time at LifeBuilders. As my final days approached and I became anxious about leaving and realized how much my heart was aching about leaving I began to wonder again... could this be it?

I called my Grandma while still in Detroit and talked about packing up and coming home and she said to me, " Now, don't you leave anything up there, like you think you're going back or something, because you're not!" Hearing those words I had such a weird feeling in my spirit that in fact I was going to return.

More information will come soon, I promise. But for now, please just be in prayer for me and for those living in the community around LifeBuilders. I believe completely that God has led me specifically to LifeBuilders for this new season of my life. It could be for a year, 3 years, 5 years, or longer. For now I will step out in faith as I anticipate my first official ministry position outside of college. God is good, and I feel his blessing upon my life.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


Lately I have been trying to find JOY from any source that I can. I have been thinking lately about JOY and wondering if it is possible for a Christian to completely lose ALL JOY..? Even in my most depressed state I still can look to the cross and find JOY even if it is just a small ounce, I still find it. In the Bible we read in James 1:2-4
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

My life seems to be completely different than it was a year ago. Sometimes I find myself really missing that previous season of my life and often makes me lose my joy. Constantly I feel like people are leaving me and when I sense this I begin to hold onto that relationship for dear life. I have been doing this lately and instead of the relationships getting stronger I end up suffocating them and the light that once was so bright begins to dim even more quickly. I don't know where this derives from, this feeling of abandonment but it is strong in my mind and has been for many years. I have been learning that no relationship is promised tomorrow, except my relationship with Jesus Christ.

Life right now is HARD, and it is hard for me to say that out loud.. so i'll say it again- Life right now is HARD. My Dad's health is very uncertain, i've lost friendships that I thought were strong, I miss LifeBuilders in Detroit more & more each day, I'm graduating from college in 10 weeks with no promise of a job, and I'm praying about if God wants me to donate one of my kidneys to my Dad.

It is moments like this that I remember I am not a little girl anymore. Lately I have just wanted to lock myself in my room, curl up on my bed and cry. And i'll be honest, I have done this a few times the last couple of weeks. But then God whispers in my ear, that I can't hide from life, he nudges me to get out there and find JOY in the life he has given me. It is difficult but with God's strength I know I can tackle any trial that comes my way. I may not always respond like an adult, I may curl up on my bed and cry, but eventually I'll make my way back into life. My life is a blessing and I need to make every effort to be a blessing to other peoples lives.